The Faith Test

When things don't go your way in the timing you planned, does it mean that what you believed was not real or could it just be that your faith is possibly a little shallow?

I lost my job. And in an attempt to maintain sanity, I began applying for new positions like crazy. I even had some of my friends help find some suitable jobs for me. The opportunities were just streaming in, with some right up my alley, so I figured I'd be ok, "in the next couple of weeks or so I would be called into an interview and boom I'd have my life back in order".

I had heard many stories of so many, who had faced the same ordeal; who had gone without work for many months. I didn't want to be part of that statistic, I couldn't afford to be part of that statistic... so I made sure, by applying for a variety openings, whether I was qualified or not (I figured God qualifies the called, so I could do anything with Him by my side)... but nothing happened.. Nothing!

I was confused... Why wasn't I getting any feedback. Was there something wrong with my CV? Were my skills not good enough? Was I not good enough? What was I supposed to do? How long would I have to wait? - Apparently I don't do well with the unknown.

There were some really tough days; as amazing as it may seem to sleep-in everyday, doing nothing eventually kills you. With all my friends working or having some kind of life plan, I felt alone - I felt like such a loser; a complete failure, and worst of all, my parents were too far away to make me feel better. 

I finally received my first form of feedback... it was a notice of rejection. I wasn't too phased about it, it was for a corporate position that I had applied for as a backup, but in all honesty, wasn't really interested in. But then two more notices of rejection came through, this time for positions that I was not only interested in, but had prayed for. My heart sank... I was shattered.

My family and friends tried to encourage me. They continuously told me that it would be ok; that God had a plan, and that all would soon work out. I was tormented by their words of encouragement, it was easy for them to be all positive from their cozy comfort zones; from my perspective, the situation was completely hopeless.

I began to freak out... What was I going to do? Was I doing something wrong? What if I never got a job? Was this the plan? Was I destined to be unemployed? For how long? I didn't want to be unemployed; I wasn't prepared to be unemployed... How would I pay for accommodation or transportation? What about food and all the other necessities? What exactly was I supposed to do to survive?

I grew incredibly anxious; I was overwhelmed by frustration. Why was God so silent, why was He not intervening? Had I done something wrong, was He punishing me for it? Why was I being ignored? Did He no longer love me? Did I no longer matter to Him? My emotional instability caused me great distress. I had read my Bible, prayed desperately, and had even attended church for goodness sake; I was trying sooo hard to just trust and believe, and still.. NOTHING!!

And then I came across this song... and although it didn't change the way I felt about my situation, it helped put God's "non-involvement" into perspective...

Life is not ideal; with creative chaos and mind-numbing confusion, I am often anxious about the future, but I am learning to be content. I've learnt to trust and believe in the plan and purpose that God is in the process of rolling out in my life (maybe a little too slow for my liking, but He is rolling it out nonetheless).

It has been a rough journey, and I still struggle from time to time, but God has been ever faithful. And regardless of my doubt, this God adventure has been an incredible encourager...