Photo Shoot From Hell

I'm a huge fan of trying out new things. Learning happens to be one of my favourite things to do (totally passionate about it), so when given the opportunity, I'm happy to give most things a go. However, I also happen to be the type of person who is fully aware of their talents and capabilities, so will avoid at all costs (like the plague) anything that I know I'll be sucky at... Photo shoots happen to be the perfect example...

Despite constantly taking photo's (I love creating memories) and sometimes even featuring in some of them, I loathe photo shoots. There's nothing I hate more (other than inconsiderateness) than having to pose and then being judged for it - it's fake, it's contrived and it's soul destroying (yes I feel that strongly about it). So you can only imagine my reaction when I found out that due to the recent changes at work, I would be required to participate in a brand upgrade photo shoot.

Although there was some excitement surrounding the shoot, I was not in anyway amped and made it very clear that I wasn't. I very openly expressed my complete repulsion towards the idea and eventually ended up freaking out on the day. Yes! I completely freaked out about it, so much so that I was adamant I wasn't going to do it and no one could make me (apparently I was wrong because they did). In fact, I freaked out so much, I started freaking out about the freak out session I was having. I was completely losing it (or at least that's what it felt like it) and nothing anybody said to me made me feel any better (I felt like a big fat baby - it was terrible!).

After calmly and despondently getting through what felt like the most torturous hour and a half of my life, I spent some time trying to figure out what had happened and what had caused me so much distress.... And then it hit me....

All fear had broken loose and I just let it own me. I was so overwhelmed and crippled by fear (fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of judgement - loads and loads of fear!), I could not think straight and I just let it get to me. I had let it build up so much inside of me, that eventually it consumed me entirely - I had let my insecurities get the better of me.

Thank God for the people I have in my life!! I really mean that... I am genuinely thankful for the strong pillars God has placed in my life. For the support they gave, for the understanding they displayed and the encouragement they attempted to offer. I could not have survived the ordeal without their counsel. They are often crazy and random, but they are definitely appreciated!

So the lesson I learnt from this experience - watch out for fear; don't let it sneak up on you! Deal with it before it deals with you! And make sure to surround yourself with strong people who will help you overcome when you need to!