My friend and her husband were going out for a dinner party and after hanging out with the kids for a while they put them to bed. So my sole responsibility that night as a babysitter was just to be there... you know... just in case. I had done this before with my other favourites, so I wasn't worried. I figured it would just be a quiet night in. Even though both my friend and her husband warned me that there was a great possibility that the youngest would wake up and be miserable, and proceeded to give me tips on how to deal with it; I smiled and assured them that all would be ok, so they left.
I got myself some hot chocolate, made a sandwich and got comfy on the couch. About an hour after my friends left while watching some cartoons and playing on my iPad (yes I can multi task like that), I suddenly heard some crying. At first I wondered where it was coming from and then it hit me, it was the youngest crying. So I jumped up and ran to his room as quickly as possible as I was advised that the quicker I got there, the easier it would be to put him back to sleep before he was fully awake. Unfortunately I just wasn't quick enough and all efforts of trying to get him back to sleep in the cot failed. I was forced to pick him up to stop him crying and so began phase 2 of the most interesting lesson in parenting that I had ever had the pleasure of experiencing.
Just a side note - even though I had hung out with the kiddies before they went to sleep, the youngest still didn't really know me. So to avoid him freaking out I wanted to get him back to sleep asap so that I didn't have to deal with an unhappy child wanting his mommy.
So with that fear and pressure building up inside, I confidently began trying to calm the crying baby by holding him in a sleeping position in my arms (his dad had advised this) while attempting to use various anti-crying techniques that I had seen or learnt over the years...
- First I tried the bounce technique - we all know this one... this is basically the art of using your arms and/or body to bounce the baby up and down in hopes that the motion makes him think he's probably on a trampoline which means fun is being had which means there's no need to cry - it didn't work
- Next, I implemented the bounce and twist - this technique uses the basic concept of the bounce technique except that you're adding some side to side swaying. This nauseating move is somehow meant to calm the baby down by tricking him into thinking that he's on a bouncy swing where,yet again, fun is being had - it didn't work either
- I then decided to upgrade the bounce twist technique to merry-go-round status by adding a walk to it. This rather complex maneuver sounds like it should be loadsa fun, and it probably could be, however the technique was not at all helpful, in fact I'm convinced it could have caused more damage than good because honestly.... who would remain calm while riding a drunk and jumpy merry-go-round? - exactly!
- When all else had failed, I decided to add some singing to the now out of control calming techniques roller-coaster However, as multitaskious as I may be, I was unable to walk, swing, bounce and sing at the same time and so this technique simply became the bounce and sing with a bonus swing every so often technique. It worked like a charm, except finding the right song to sing was now the new mission. After trying out a couple of songs, including Rock-A-Bye Baby (which in my opinion shouldn't really be a lullaby), Go To Sleep and even Hillsong's latest Glorious Ruins, I found that the only song he responded positively to was Hush Little Baby and I didn't even know the words, so... in true Tshego fashion I made them up as I went and it worked - WIN!!!
I was super chuffed with myself... Not only had I managed to calm a crying baby (which really isn't that hard but still worth the mention - you gotta claim all the victories) but I had also managed to get him back to sleep (which isn't as easy so it made me feel really good about myself). However this little one had an interesting night in store for me...
Once I could feel that he had passed out (apparently babies are uber heavy when their sleeping - dead weight and all) I returned him back to his room. Unfortunately the minute I tried to put him back in his cot he woke up and started crying again; but I wasn't to concerned because I had just discovered a new calming technique that worked and I wasn't afraid to use it (ok so the technique wasn't new but it made me feel good). Sadly, even though the calming technique worked and I managed to get him back to sleep every time, he totally refused to let me put him down (and my arms were dying). So after performing the routine over and over again for about 20min, each time letting him sleep in my arms a little longer before attempting to put him back in his cot, I got over it and decided that he would just stay up with me and watch tv till his parents returned. This seemed like a good idea at the time but apparently it wasn't, although in my defence I was trying to avoid waking his sister up with the on and off crying and singing in between.
And so enters phase 3 of the adventure...
After taking him to the tv area with me, he was quiet for about 30 seconds as he watched all the moving pictures, and then suddenly out of nowhere... all hell broke loose. Within a split second this baby boy had turned from the cutest little munchkin into an unhappy screaming monster, leaving me wanting my mommy.
Now I'm not new to the crying scene, in fact I can handle crying really well, but when he went off, it caught me completely off guard and was left stumped with no cooking clue what I had to do. I thought of calling the parents but I wasn't keen on spoiling their night out, so I manned up and took on the challenge.
- I started off with the merry-go-round technique with singing (I figured the more I did at the same time the quicker it would calm him down and don't know how I managed the singing but desperate times...)
- When that didn't work I moved on to putting him into the kangaroo pouch thingy (I remembered his father mentioning that that could help, so I gave it a shot - didn't work).
- I then tried to give him the bottle his mom had prepared earlier on - he wasn't interested.
- I eventually went all African traditional on him and tried out the piggy-back vibes... NOTHING! He just continued to cry and cry and cry.
I eventually just gave up, held him in my arms as I walked around the now dark room while bouncing him up and down every so often as he continued to cry. And then I started thinking... being a parent is certainly not as easy as it seems to be... it's flippen hard work. There are some great moments but there are some tough-insanity filled moments and it's all part of the game. I started thinking about all the moms (both old and new), and how I had previously incorrectly judged them for not parenting the way they should, as if I knew anything about that; and then I thought about how they sometimes judge each other for something they already know isn't as simple as people make it out to be (yes there are those who are just horrible people, never mind parents. But for the most part most parents are just trying to do the best they can).
Then I thought about just how incredible moms actually are for doing and dealing with
what they do and deal with every single day.... some of them alone. I thought about how their job was never really done, how they couldn't just hand the kid over to someone else so they could rest for a couple of hours and how it may sometimes seem like a thankless job. I thought of my mom and the incredible job she had done with my sister and I. I may not have agreed with everything she did and you bet your bottom dollar we gave her a hard time (although in the greater scheme of things we weren't that bad) yet she did the best she could and what an excellent job she did! I then thought of myself and how much this new experience had taught me and I wondered if I could ever do this one day... I mean... I love kids but you never get told that the cute and cuddly can sometimes get really ugly and I wasn't sure I was cut out for it...
After what felt like an hour of crying (it was really only about 5min or so) and all that thinking, I realised that I was singing and he had calmed down and was starting to fall asleep again. While still holding him in my arms and walking around the dark room, I managed to locate my phone and decided to message one of the moms I happened to be thinking about... I told her the story (cause I knew she would relate) and then proceeded to encourage and tell her just how amazing she is... and you know what.. she is an incredibly amazing mom and I wanted her to know that (every mom deserves to hear that). She laughed and wished me luck and I continued to walk around he room. Once the he had fallen asleep (my arms were pretty much dead at this stage), I chose not to try and put him back in his cot (mainly because I was too scared of what might happen - I certainly wasn't ready for phase four - and I wasn't prepared to find out), instead I managed to get him to lie on my chest as I acrobatically balanced myself on a chair stacked with play mats and sat with him like that for the rest of the night.
Now I know that I may have made it seem like I had a horrific babysitting experience but I didn't, in fact quite the opposite really. Yes it was all new to me and yes some of it was quite scary but as I sat with him on my chest, I was overcome by the most amazing feeling in the world. I can't explain it but I could not have asked for a better way to have my eyes opened to the art of parenthood (also I decided to make the situation positive by convincing myself that he was attached to me and that he was only happy when he was with me - that made me feel better). I am so very glad I was lucky enough catch a glimpse of that world because now when I tell a mom that she is amazing and that I think that she's doing an amazing job, I actually mean it because I now have a vague idea of what they are going through.
So moms, this one goes out to you. BIG UPS TO YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!!! I know it may not mean much but I think you're amazing. I am moved, motivated and encouraged by all you do regardless of the circumstances. I love your work and I just wanted you to know that you are an inspiration, if not to many, to me! I appreciate and love learning from you, so just keep on keeping on!
And to the rest of you... encourage a mom today!!!
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